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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24678136">do i wanna know?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsyub/pseuds/redsyub'>redsyub</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Study, Daydreaming, Dreaming, Drunk Dialing, In Vino Veritas, M/M, Minor Boo Seungkwan/Lee Chan | Dino, Pining, Vaguely Implied Masturbation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:47:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24678136</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsyub/pseuds/redsyub</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Wonwoo's heart has never been this way before. But lately, he feels like his heart is melting and bleeding out his bones.</p><p>In other words, circumstances lead Wonwoo to become paranoid about his state of relationship with Junhui.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Wondrous Harmony</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>do i wanna know?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>first things first. i want to thank the wonderful mods of wondrous harmony for organizing this fest and giving me an opportunity to write more wonhui!<br/>this work is completely based off the song <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpOSxM0rNPM">do i wanna know by arctic monkeys</a>. i wanted to write a pure yearning fic so here i am!<br/>this hasn't got angst in it (although i’ve been told my definition of angst is significantly different from the norm) but pining galore!</p><p>i hope you will enjoy reading this work! ♥</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s raining when Wonwoo trudges his way towards the barbecue restaurant after finishing up with his work. He wonders if it would have been better to run towards his house and change and maybe also pick up an umbrella in the process. His leather messenger bag isn’t really covering him from getting wet and his clothes stink as the humidity and his sweat combine to form a <em> foul </em> combination. </p><p> </p><p>For a moment, he considers calling Chan and cancelling the whole plan so that he can go home and stand below a nice and warm shower, releasing the pent-up stress from his nerves. But he remembers how <em> excited </em> the younger was for this particular dinner gathering. Tonight, Wonwoo finally gets to meet the man that has his best friend wrapped around his tiny finger.</p><p> </p><p>Chan and Seungkwan have been going out for about two weeks and prior to it, they had been talking constantly for almost two months. Initially, Chan hated Seungkwan and couldn’t stand the existence of the latter. But as they say, love is a funny little thing that <em> hits </em> a person when they least expect it. </p><p> </p><p>At least Wonwoo is glad that their love story isn’t a <em> love-at-first-sight </em> scenario. He has never really digested those stories well, always finding the concept utterly ridiculous and impossible. The idea of someone falling in love with a person just by the first glance seems downright <em> atrocious. </em> People need to know someone well enough before they decide to give their heart away to them.</p><p> </p><p>As he finally stands in front of the restaurant, he tries to fix his appearance and grabs a tiny bottle of perfume to dissipate the foul smell and replace it with a musky one instead. He cleans his glasses and looks at his faint appearance in the glass door one last time, before entering the place. </p><p> </p><p>The smell of grilled meat wafts his nostrils and Wonwoo finally acknowledges that the last meal he ate was a pitiful protein bar in the morning. Thinking about food <em> pacifies </em> his initial detestation of the gathering, and he finds his way towards the table where Chan is sitting. </p><p> </p><p>Seungkwan is a polite man and his smile is jovial and youthful. Wonwoo returns his smile and bows his head. They all settle themselves and Seungkwan initiates to order four servings of meat. Although, Wonwoo can only count three people and his curiosity piques. Seungkwan clarifies that his <em> friend </em> would also be joining them, but he is running late because of the weather. Wonwoo finally understands that this dinner is more of a <em> best-friend-meeting-boyfriend </em> ordeal for both the parties.</p><p> </p><p>As the oldest man on the table, Wonwoo takes the responsibility of grilling the pork for everyone. He hears Seungkwan tell them the importance of taking vitamins at their age and Wonwoo thinks that Chan found himself more of a <em> nagging parent </em> than a <em> boyfriend. </em> Clearly not interested in knowing the disadvantages of calcium deficiency diseases, Wonwoo tries to scan the restaurant to gauge the types of people around him. His sight gets stuck in a single direction though. More specifically, on a <em> single person.  </em></p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo <em> feels </em> more than he <em> sees. </em> What he manages to see is the <em> most gorgeous human </em> to have ever graced the planet walking towards him. He feels the unwarranted hammering of his heart. He feels his throat drying up. He feels his breath getting stuck in his lungs. Time slows down and everything moves in slow motion.</p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo can't understand, but the world slowly blurs around him and the <em> only thing </em> that stands clear as the ice is the figure of the new entrant.</p><p> </p><p>As he continues to shamelessly stare and understand the feelings coiling deep inside his stomach, he sees the figure of Seungkwan forming beside the man. The next thing he knows, the two men are hugging each other and the new man directs the most beautiful smile towards Seungkwan. </p><p> </p><p>He finally gathers his bearings when the man sits across him on the table and shoots that glorious smile towards him (and Chan). </p><p> </p><p>“Hello, I’m Junhwi,” he says his name and Wonwoo thinks it’s <em> unfair </em> that even his voice is as beautiful as his face. </p><p> </p><p>Before Wonwoo can remember his own name, Junhwi turns his face towards Chan and narrows his eyes, “You must be Lee Chan-sshi, Seungkwannie’s boyfriend. I’d like to know your intentions with my son.” </p><p> </p><p>“What are you saying, Jun hyung?” Seungkwan asks incredulously.</p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo’s mouth has been dry for too long, so he gulps the glass of water and licks his lips. He tries to clear his throat so that everyone’s attention can be directed towards him. </p><p> </p><p>“For all I know, Seungkwan-sshi could be the one corrupting my son’s brain,” Wonwoo says defiantly.</p><p> </p><p>“Not you, too!” Wonwoo hears Chan whine beside him, but he’s too busy having a staring contest with Junhwi. The more he looks, the more he realizes that he’s beginning to <em> lose a war.  </em></p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear your name.” </p><p> </p><p>“Jeon Wonwoo.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a pause and Wonwoo feels like he said something wrong. Junhwi doesn’t react and stares at him blankly. His palms sweat profusely, and he wrings the sleeves of his shirt in his palms.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Junhwi’s lips break into a sly grin, and he extends his hand across the table. Wonwoo’s hands are clammy, yet he takes it. <em> Warmth </em> spreads from the point of connection and Wonwoo feels weird but giddy.</p><p> </p><p>“Let's get along for the sake of our kids. What do you say, <em> Wonwoo-sshi?” </em> Wonwoo thinks that his name has never sounded as delightful as it sounds now, rolling off of Junhwi’s lips. </p><p> </p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>~•~</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Wonwoo finds his condition ridiculous. The fact that he can’t seem to get Junhwi out of his head is preposterous. The moment his thoughts flits towards the other man, his heart goes crazy. It’s like someone is <em> squeezing </em> it tightly in their grasp and Wonwoo is <em> struggling </em> to breathe properly. At this rate, Wonwoo fears that he might suffer a heart attack.</p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo <em> loves </em> Chan like his younger brother, but he can’t seem to tolerate the persistent conversations related to Seungkwan. Mostly because it leads to Wonwoo thinking of Junhwi which is not ideal for his condition.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you listening?” Wonwoo hears Chan’s voice. He raises his head to look at the younger man looking back at him expectantly.</p><p> </p><p>“No?” There is no point in lying, Wonwoo thinks.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to meet Seungkwan hyung. Apparently, Jun hyung is going to be there as well, and he has asked for you to come along,” Chan says, annoyed that Wonwoo isn’t attentive enough.</p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo’s attention is completely focused on Chan once he hears Junhwi’s <em> name. </em> He thinks he must be dreaming that the other man has specifically asked for his presence. </p><p> </p><p>“Is that true?” Wonwoo asks a little urgently, reaching for Chan’s hand for assurance. The younger is definitely discomforted by Wonwoo’s sudden interest but doesn’t question it, choosing to only nod his head in acknowledgement.</p><p> </p><p>As the two men make their way to the Chinese restaurant to have dinner with Junhwi and Seungkwan, Wonwoo tries to calm his heart and mind. He reminds himself that it’s just dinner with a few people. Most importantly, Junhwi is just like any other man he meets on a daily basis. There is <em> absolutely nothing </em> that is special about the man with big, nut-brown doe eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi!” Junhwi greets them in an adorable way by tilting his head a little and enthusiastically waving his hand. The smile he graces them with is absolutely enthralling. Wonwoo finds himself pushed <em> back to square one. </em></p><p> </p><p>This time around, the young couple don’t hesitate in ignoring the other two men’s ass. Wonwoo pities Junhwi because the latter is sadly stuck with him. </p><p> </p><p>He has a lot he wants to say, but the words don’t come out. They get stuck on his tongue, and he only manages pitiful sighs. He watches Junhwi scrolling his phone as he mindlessly hums a song. Wonwoo tries to make out which song it is, but his mind diverts to the soft and honeyed voice. The silvery voice has Wonwoo <em> quivering </em> from the inside. He tries his best to school his urges, but his heart feels like it wants to tear out of his chest and run towards the other man.</p><p> </p><p>Junhwi looks up from his phone and his lips fall open while his eyes grow wide. He quickly locks his phone and places it on the table.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry! You must be bored,” Junhwi apologizes while looking a little guilty. Wonwoo finds the man adorable.</p><p> </p><p>“No, don’t worry about it,” Wonwoo manages.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Wonwoo-sshi? Tell me about yourself?” Junhwi asks with a sly grin. One might argue that he’s trying to flirt with Wonwoo. Maybe it’s <em> wishful thinking </em> on his part.</p><p> </p><p>“I work as an assistant producer for a news station,” Wonwoo says. “Nothing cool. What about you?” Wonwoo wants to know everything about the man that has been occupying his thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m an interpreter. If you haven’t noticed, I’m Chinese,” Junhwi replies in an airy manner. Wonwoo is shocked but mostly confused. Junhwi’s Korean is too good, and he can’t believe that the man isn’t a native. He guesses it was too good to be true, anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t,” Wonwoo replies while looking down at his hands. He feels a little embarrassed that he couldn’t notice such a major difference.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay! It’s not a big deal. It just means my Korean is better than expected, right?” Junhwi raises his eyebrows and it feels like he’s teasing Wonwoo. It only makes the latter smile at his playfulness.</p><p> </p><p>“Right. What’s your actual name?” </p><p> </p><p>“Wen Junhui.” <em> Junhui. </em>Wonwoo isn’t a poet, but he thinks that his name sounds poetic. He doesn’t understand what it means, but he’s sure that if he were to know, then it would blow his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Earlier, you were singing a song. What’s the name of the song?” Wonwoo asks just so he could have a proper conversation going and in return, get to hear Junhui’s pretty voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Umm, she’s a Chinese singer, but the song is in English. You might understand it. Ah, it’s Baby by Vicky Chen,” Junhui replies. Wonwoo makes a mental note to check the song out later. </p><p> </p><p>They both stare at each other and Wonwoo thinks he’s looking at the <em> galaxy </em> through Junhui’s eyes. He is so lost that Chan has to hit him on his shoulder to get his attention. </p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>It’s not Chan who answers him, but Seungkwan.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re clicking a selca, hyung. Smile!” And then Wonwoo notices that Seungkwan has his phone positioned in a way so that he could click a selca. He manages a small smile but also notices that Junhui’s face is almost out of the frame because he is sitting beside Seungkwan.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, I’m not in the frame!” Junhui stands up and takes a few steps towards Wonwoo. Before Wonwoo can understand what is happening, Junhui positions himself behind him and places his hands on his shoulders. He bends a little and Wonwoo can almost hear his soft breathing. The light touch <em> burns </em> through his shirt and Wonwoo’s breath <em> hitches. </em> The only thing he is able to register is the sound of the phone camera going off. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Wonwoo can’t sense anything else other than Wen Junhui. Wonwoo feels like he’s walking in the valley of flowers in spring. The flowers sway with the gentle wind. The breeze hits Wonwoo’s face and brings with it a pleasant floral scent. His hair flows gently, and he absorbs the colourful sight with his eyes. As he walks further down the valley, he spots an anomaly on the uniformly placed flower beds.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He walks towards this anomaly, only to find the most breathtaking visual in front of him. Junhui lies on the ground, naked. His body is partially covered with the beautiful flowers and Wonwoo is left with his mouth gaping in awe. Junhui looks content just rolling in the pool of flowers and Wonwoo’s throat dries up. His desires take over him and he walks closer. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He wants to run his fingers over Junhui’s pristine skin, feel it, taste it. Junhui blinks his eyes open and their eyes meet. Wonwoo feels like he’s drowning in those big brown eyes. Wonwoo is yearning for something he can’t understand. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Wonwoo-sshi. Is this what you want?” Junhui’s voice echoes around him, and he kneels down to get closer. Closer and closer until he finally has what he wants.  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Hyung!” </p><p> </p><p>Reality crashes down upon him as he realizes he was daydreaming. Seungkwan is looking at him with an awkward smile and Chan has his eyebrows knitted. Junhui is nowhere to be seen. </p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Junhwi-sshi?” Wonwoo asks urgently. How long was he out that he didn’t even notice Junhui leaving the table?</p><p> </p><p>“He got a call from the embassy and had to go,” Seungkwan informs him politely. “Are you okay, hyung?”</p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo gets up and gathers his things. He is not okay, but he needs to be alone. He lost his sense of reality because of a person. He deeply needs to <em> reflect </em> on a lot of things and understand what is going on inside his head. The image of Junhui laying on a flower bed still <em> haunts </em> him, and he can’t get it out of his head. </p><p> </p><p>“Chan, I think I’ll give you two some alone time and head back home. It was nice to meet you again, Seungkwan.” Wonwoo bows his head and practically runs out of the restaurant, not caring what any of the two men have to say about his sudden desertion.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>~•~</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Wonwoo listens to the <em> song </em> that Junhui told him about on repeat. It’s the only thing he wants to listen to anyway. The lyrics tug at his heartstrings and then pull them apart, till they start to bleed his desires, and he starts dreaming about <em> big brown eyes </em> and <em> boxy smile. </em> </p><p> </p><p>At nights, he sits on the settee with a glass and bottle of soju. A laptop is usually placed in front of him on the table, and he answers his mail and gathers all the information and stories he got from his team members into a single file. The soju helps him declutter his mind, but it also takes his thoughts towards Junhui. The song he has on repeat doesn’t really help his case, but he is, in all simple terms, <em> obsessed </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Everything will be so much easier if Junhui takes an <em> initiative </em> or at least gives him some sort of <em> sign </em> that maybe he’s into Wonwoo as well and the latter isn’t the only one pining away pathetically. Recently, Chan has been busy spending time with Seungkwan, hence Wonwoo has been left alone to rot in his feelings. It’s absolutely ridiculous how the Chinese man has crawled deep inside Wonwoo’s skin. He barely even knows the man. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui manages to text him every now and then. But their timings never really click, and they only manage to ask each other how they are doing until a new dawn breaks and the cycle <em> repeats </em> itself. </p><p> </p><p>So at nights, when he reaches the blissful state of ignorance with the help of alcohol, he lets his imagination run wild. He imagines completely <em> unrealistic </em> situations that will always remain in his head for all he knows. He imagines that Junhui sits with him, and they <em> laugh </em> carelessly over trivial things. He imagines Junhui leaning his head over his shoulder and <em> telling </em> him about all his worries and problems. He imagines <em> holding </em> Junhui and feeling the soft skin with his fingertips. He imagines <em> kissing </em> those bewitching freckles on his face. </p><p> </p><p>Fate brought them together. It is the only explanation for the things that Wonwoo is able to see on Junhui’s face. Something that he is too scared to voice out loud. The thing is, if one were to connect the dots on Junhui’s face, starting from the mole below his left eye, going down to the mole on his left cheek and stopping over the mole on top of his lip on the left side and finally branching it into two lines, one heading towards his other mole on top of the lip and the other heading towards the mole on his chin, one would find it eerily <em> resembles </em> to a constellation in the night sky. </p><p> </p><p>The moles on Junhui’s face resembles the mirror image of the Cancer constellation. <em> Wonwoo’s constellation. </em> </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo imagines them in a horizontal position, where he is able to express his devotion to Junhui using the <em> physical language of love. </em> Sometimes the imagination takes a turn for the wild, but the theme always remains the same. Wonwoo and Junhui are <em> together </em> and <em> in love. </em> </p><p> </p><p>Losing himself to his unrealistic thoughts, Wonwoo falls asleep and wakes up in the morning to find that he’s <em> spilt </em> his drink on the settee.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>~•~</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>One day, Chan tells him that Seungkwan’s ex-boyfriend has somehow taken an interest in him. Wonwoo is least bothered by that news. All he wishes to know is if the feelings that he has for Junhui <em> flows both ways. </em> Once in a while, if Junhui is hovering around the area where Wonwoo’s office is located, they go out to have lunch. Wonwoo gets to learn more and it feels like <em> heaven </em> until Junhui gets a call, and he has to run away to help another foreigner. Sometimes Wonwoo <em> hopes </em> that he will stay, but Junhui always walks away and Wonwoo is left trying to gather and hold onto the memories of being close to him. At least as close as Junhui will allow him to be.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell the man I’m not interested,” Wonwoo nonchalantly replies while reading the stories his team members sent him. They are mostly related to celebrities and Wonwoo wonders if that’s the only kind of news that sells in today’s world.</p><p> </p><p>“But hyung! You should be interested!” Chan insists. Wonwoo side-eyes him suspiciously and the younger finally spills his insecurities.</p><p> </p><p>“Seungkwan’s ex is handsome and I’m scared that he will leave me for him! You need to distract him while I cement myself in Seungkwan hyung’s heart.” The plan sounds childish to him, but then he remembers that Chan is three years younger than him and just fresh out of university. He still hasn’t had the chance to see the <em> big, bad world. </em> After a lot of ignorance and reluctance, Wonwoo agrees and Chan sends his number to Seungkwan’s ex-boyfriend, Mingyu.</p><p> </p><p>Mingyu is a good man. Wonwoo has not met him at all, doesn’t even know how he looks, but judging from his texts, Mingyu seems like a decent fellow. He manages to distract Wonwoo from Junhui for a little while and Wonwoo somehow manages to swim back to the <em> surface </em> of the water and <em> breathe </em> the fresh air, filling his lungs with the oxygen he desperately needs. That is until he gets a call from Junhui and all his efforts are washed away, and he <em> drowns </em> back into Junhui’s waters.</p><p> </p><p>Junhui is able to talk more openly on a phone call rather than a text message and Wonwoo absorbs every single piece of information that Junhui gives him like a sponge. Wonwoo has always been a man of few words, but with Junhui, he talks way too much. His words flow out openly. Junhui gives him a sense of comfort and Wonwoo feels like he’s laying on a soft, fluffy pillow and all his worries are trivial. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo desperately wishes that he can hold on to this dream because even when it’s kind of ridiculous and probably harming him in ways that he doesn’t quite understand yet, he is also somewhat happy and remains motivated to do better in his life. Wonwoo likes to live looking at the <em> good side </em> of the things.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>~•~</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>After getting to know Mingyu on a decent level, the younger man finally suggests that they should meet each other in person. So Wonwoo finds himself standing in front of his dresser to get dressed for a club on a weekend. It’s the <em> worst place </em> to meet someone for the first time. Wonwoo will never recommend it to anyone else. But then again, Wonwoo is not trying to impress or acquaint himself with a potential partner. He’s going there to drink some alcohol and have a good time. He’s going there to distract himself from his all-consuming thoughts about Wen Junhui.</p><p> </p><p>Because at the end of the day, Wonwoo is too busy being Junhui’s to fall for somebody new. </p><p> </p><p>He knows he looks like a hot mess with his black sleeveless shirt tucked into black leather pants and some brown eyeshadow smudged into his eyes to give them some depth. He also wears a cross locket around his neck to sport an edgy look. But make no mistake, Wonwoo isn’t on a mission to impress. He just wants to be desired by people for a <em> change </em> instead of wallowing in his desires for someone else. </p><p> </p><p>He stands outside the entrance of the club and wonders how he’ll find Mingyu in a dark place. He asks himself again why he agreed to meet the other man here. It’s infeasible. He has a rough idea of what Mingyu is supposed to look like. He saw his profile picture on KakaoTalk. Mingyu is a handsome man. He can somewhat understand Chan’s perturbation. After all Seungkwan and Mingyu chose to remain friends even after their breakup. </p><p> </p><p>As he had expected, the club is packed with endless bodies and multicoloured lights flicker around the place. The music is loud and groovy and makes Wonwoo’s joints move involuntarily. He makes his way by pushing through the pack and breathes in the heady combined smell of perfume, alcohol and something akin to being medicinal. </p><p> </p><p>He tries to order a glass of whiskey as soon as he reaches the bar, shouting over three more men fighting for bartender’s attention. Wonwoo is an introvert and the whole situation is definitely not something up his alley, but he tries to swallow his discomfort. He desperately needs a night out like this. </p><p> </p><p>Mingyu is still a <em> no-show </em> and Wonwoo starts to wonder if he has been stood up by the man. After consuming his second glass, Wonwoo looks toward the dance floor to make sure that he hasn’t missed the man out in the pile of bodies. He scans the area, but his eyes don’t wander off very far. Faces can easily blend together in a crowd when there is low visibility. But when a person dreams about a <em> particular </em> face every night, it’s hard to miss them even if they were strutting around in a large room lit by a <em> single </em> matchstick. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui looks like an <em> angel </em> who dropped from heaven and decided to disguise his identity by wearing the attire of the <em> devil. </em> In simple terms, he looks sinful. Wonwoo is a mere human who can’t resist the temptation to reach out. To touch and feel the skin which is made out of <em> gold </em> and feel the softness comparable to <em> flower petals </em> under his fingertips. To hear the breathless <em> lullaby </em> coming out of those rosy lips. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui wears a sheer top with tight satin pants and his face shimmers under the technicolour. His face looks like a <em> treasure chest </em> filled with precious crystals glittering under the pretty neon lights. His flushed face and dazed eyes bring Wonwoo to the conclusion that Junhui is probably drunk out of his mind. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo’s imagination takes a dangerous turn, and he sees himself standing with Junhui’s back pressed against his own body as his hands settle over Junhui’s hips. </p><p> </p><p>It would be inappropriate to even describe their movements as <em> dance. </em> They bump and grind and heed no attention to their surroundings. It feels like sex on fire. Wonwoo touches, tastes and all their moves have him wishing they had no clothes on. But most of all, he <em> wishes </em> that the man in his arms was his. The thoughts racing through his head makes him feel light-headed and his lower half feels hot. He desperately desires that he wasn’t imagining all the beautiful imagery. </p><p> </p><p>From his place at the bar, things start to get clear and Wonwoo finally <em> clocks </em> the man Junhui is dancing with. At first glance, they both look good together. It looks like they are comfortable with each other and their chemistry is undeniable. Wonwoo thinks he tastes something bitter in his mouth and feels like throwing up. As the man’s features get clearer, Wonwoo wants to laugh at himself. It’s pathetic. Life has a way of <em> mocking </em> him as much as it can. </p><p> </p><p>The man Junhui is dancing and getting cosy with is none other than the man he is supposed to meet tonight — <em> Mingyu. </em></p><p> </p><p>For a moment, he just stays frozen in his place and looks at the two men dancing. He tries to question every single action he committed in his life that led him to witness such a farce. In retrospect, Wonwoo is a very good man. Yes, his words could be blunt sometimes, but he’d rather be a brutally honest person than lie to provide false comfort to people. </p><p> </p><p>He’s so lost in his self-loathing that he does not notice that his eyes meet with Junhui’s. The latter slows down his dancing and a pleasant smile blooms on his face. The <em> contrast </em> between a warm and inviting smile in a dark and alluring place <em> sobers </em> Wonwoo a little. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo sees Mingyu look at him with a hesitant expression and then whispers something to Junhui. The latter goes wide-eyed over whatever information he gained from Mingyu and then instantly separates himself from the tall man. Wonwoo feels so much <em> better </em> with the newfound distance between them and it gives him the confidence to make his way to them. </p><p> </p><p>“Wonwoo! Fancy seeing you here!” Junhui’s voice pierces through the loud music. Wonwoo’s heart skips a beat and his breath hitches. Wonwoo stands there awkwardly, looking at the two men with calculating eyes. Before he even has a chance of saying something, Junhui interrupts him hastily. </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, Mingyu and I are just friends. Trust me, I have absolutely zero interest in him,” Junhui animatedly starts speaking and Wonwoo can only watch his plush lips moving. Words don’t make sense any more. The only thing that makes sense is Junhui’s lips. Wonwoo wants to interrupt Junhui, take him in his arms and kiss him so bad. He wants to <em> relish </em> in the feel of those plump lips against his. He wants to bring his feelings to light through kissing. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui moves behind Mingyu and pushes his body towards Wonwoo. The latter barely catches him and both of them trip over each other. Thankfully, nobody falls down on their face. Mingyu glares at Junhui while Wonwoo finally comes back to earth and finally understands what Junhui has been trying to say. “In fact, he’s all <em> yours. </em> I’ll leave you two to mingle. Bye!” </p><p> </p><p>And just like that, Junhui leaves Wonwoo even when the latter was sort of hoping that his object of affection would stay. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Wonwoo hyung! It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Mingyu’s smile is big and bright. He is extremely good-looking and Wonwoo should be happy that the man is interested in him. But it’s unfortunate that the heart is a crazy little thing that wants to stay <em> loyal </em> to a person who probably doesn’t even know about his feelings. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Mingyu,” Wonwoo greets blankly because all of a sudden, the club looks darker than before, and he has lost all his enthusiasm to be in the place. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo leaves the club shortly after, much to Mingyu’s disappointment.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>~•~</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Wonwoo comes back to his home and flops over his settee, pouring himself some soju in a glass. He does not even bother changing into something more comfortable, just sticks to unbuckling his belt and throwing off his shoes and socks in a corner. </p><p> </p><p>He feels truly <em> pathetic. </em> It’s bizarre, but he also feels <em> guilty. </em> His emotions make him feel like he has committed some kind of infidelity, and he was caught <em> red-handed </em> in the act. Wonwoo wants to cry and let the tears carry away his despair and embarrassment. But his plans are interrupted by his phone ringing. </p><p> </p><p>For a moment, Wonwoo considers ignoring the call until the ringing stops for good but the sound persists. Wonwoo looks at his watch and sees that it’s well past two in the middle of the night. Wonwoo’s curiosity as to who might be troubling him so late at night makes him answer it.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonwoo.” The breathy voice of Junhui drifts through the phone like a dream and knocks him over. He collects himself instantly.</p><p> </p><p>“Junnie?” Wonwoo stammers back.</p><p> </p><p>“Is it okay if we talk for a bit?” Junhui asks and Wonwoo wants to say that it is more than okay to talk at the moment, but then he gets flashbacks from a few hours ago. </p><p> </p><p>“Where are you?” Wonwoo asks instead because of his concern for the other man being more important than his mortification. </p><p> </p><p>“I came back home a few minutes ago,” Junhui slurs his words. Wonwoo is filled with <em> content </em> that Junhui is home because the latter sounds severely drunk and knowing that he is safe lifts an unknown worry, that he didn’t even know was weighing him down, off his chest. </p><p> </p><p>“I see.” </p><p> </p><p>And then, silence engulfs them both. Wonwoo wants to say a hundred things. He wants to see Junhui and talk about anything and everything. But he holds back because he feels that spoken words will make Junhui <em> disappear. </em> Not that he is physically present, to begin with, but he can’t lose the electronic presence as well. </p><p> </p><p>“Wonwoo?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you hung up.” Junhui chuckles. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo takes a shot of his soju and refills the glass. He can feel the influence of alcohol manifesting a gush of confidence that is lost most of the time. The nights are mainly made to say things that a person cannot say the very next day anyway. </p><p> </p><p>“I can never hang up on you, Jun-ah.” There is a pause on the line until Wonwoo hears Junhui’s melodic laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t understand you, Jeon Wonwoo.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?” Wonwoo’s brows knit in confusion because he thinks that he’s a pretty straightforward man who is honest and direct. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think I should talk about this right now.” </p><p> </p><p>“You are safe with me.” </p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m not,” Junhui replies bluntly. Wonwoo gets to have a taste of his own medicine and even though Wonwoo does not understand the context behind this conversation, the <em> bitterness </em> crawls up his stomach. “You are a <em> cruel </em> person.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo apologizes even when he isn’t aware of his mistakes. </p><p> </p><p>“Your sorry won’t change your evil ways.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can change if you tell me about them.” Junhui doesn’t reply for another few seconds and the passage of time feels like an <em> eternity </em> to Wonwoo.</p><p> </p><p>“But I don’t want you to change,” Junhui mumbles. Wonwoo hears some rustling over the phone. He also hears the clicking noise of locking a door. Junhui’s puffs and blows indicate that he laid down on his bed. </p><p> </p><p>“Tell me about your day, Wonwoo. I want to hear <em> your voice.” </em> In the end, Wonwoo just wants to please Junhui, so he drops their previous conversation and talks about his job and life. The boring details. The quirky anecdotes. One way or another, he slips in his admiration for Junhui which turns the atmosphere completely.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you complimenting me?” There is a significant shortness of breath in Junhui’s voice. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm. Tell me more. Am I nice?”</p><p> </p><p>“You are an angel, Junnie. A person like you can’t be a human. You are too good to be true.” Wonwoo’s filter over his words is broken, and he can’t stay silent about his pining any more. The words want to jump out of his mouth and Wonwoo does not even put an effort to hold them back. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui’s breathing is unusually heavy and the concern about the other man puts a stop on his intentions for the minute. Wonwoo thinks that maybe the alcohol might be <em> negatively </em> affecting Junhui. </p><p> </p><p>“Junnie, you should rest.”</p><p> </p><p>“I like it when <em> you </em> say my name. The way you pronounce it gives it a distinctive edge.” Junhui’s words ignite a fire all around Wonwoo. The <em> flames </em> start licking up the walls and a <em> tornado </em> starts forming inside Wonwoo’s stomach. Wonwoo puts a conscious effort on breathing because he feels like someone is strangling his neck and making it hard for him to breathe.</p><p> </p><p><em> “Jun-ah,” </em> Wonwoo warns. </p><p> </p><p>“Just like that.” Junhui’s voice sounds a bit strained through the phone. Wonwoo hears a muffled thud.</p><p> </p><p>“Junnie?” There is no reply, but Wonwoo hears muted noises in the background. It sounds eerily similar to <em> sensual </em> moans. </p><p> </p><p>For a minute, Wonwoo imagines a very <em> dangerous </em> scenario in his mind. Something that is truly sacred. Something that is <em> hidden </em> deep within Wonwoo’s insatiable desires.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a scene where Junhui’s whispers and words melt him. The high temperature makes the atmosphere smooth and results in them dancing and grinding naked under moonlight. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo’s desires cloud his judgement, but he recovers fast and realizes that wishful thinking won’t get him anywhere. The uncertainty is an<em> unpleasant feeling, </em>and he is scared of being rejected. The harrowing realization makes his heart sink down six feet underground. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo is scared and he wants to run away. But he is already miles away from Junhui. So he does the only thing that is close to running away at the moment. He <em> hangs up </em> the call. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo forgoes pouring soju in the glass and swallows the whole bottle in one go. The effect of the liquor is delayed but once it sets in, Wonwoo sleeps on his settee and <em> dreams </em> about eyes that hold the universe and a bright smile.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>~•~</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Moment flies and memory lies. This is the reason why Wonwoo believes that he <em> hallucinated </em> the late-night call with Junhui. The latter never mentioned the call in their conversations and Wonwoo chose to follow in Junhui’s footsteps to play it safe. </p><p> </p><p>A few days later, after Mingyu’s constant <em> persistence </em> in setting up a meeting and after a lot of <em> reluctance </em> from Wonwoo’s side, the elder agrees to meet him in a café. Wonwoo reaches the place straight after he gets off work. He only has to wait a few minutes until Mingyu enters the place and joins him. Mingyu looks <em> dazzling </em> with his black hair swept up and parted to the side. In another life, Wonwoo would have considered himself lucky to be liked by him. But Wonwoo can’t fall for somebody else because his mind and heart are already occupied by a <em> certain </em> Chinese man.</p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo thinks about his situation with Mingyu. Courting someone is an ugly notion when the feelings aren’t <em> mirrored </em> from both ends. Wonwoo understands the concept completely. And this is exactly why he has decided to come clean to Mingyu and let the younger one know that he has absolutely no interest in dating him. Wonwoo does not beat around the bush. He looks for an <em> open window </em> and lets his thoughts be <em> free. </em></p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in you.” </p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Mingyu replies. His face shows no signs of surprise. Wonwoo decides to stay silent and not make matters worse by saying something inappropriate.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re interested in Junhwi hyung,” Mingyu declares without any humour on his face. His words come as a <em> bombshell </em> to Wonwoo. He looks at him with suspicious eyes and open mouth. </p><p> </p><p>“How did you–”</p><p> </p><p>“How did I <em> know?” </em> Mingyu tosses back. Wonwoo does not entertain him with an answer but hopes the younger man will enlighten him. Mingyu leans back on his chair and takes a long sip from his cup of coffee. After an <em> unnecessarily </em> long pause, Mingyu finally decides to speak up.</p><p> </p><p>“I must say, you aren’t very good at hiding how you feel. I mean, sure, your behaviour just confuses people and that is why no one has caught on to your true heart, but I have always been highly perceptive to people’s emotions,” Mingyu says it like he is <em> summarizing </em> a book he read on Wonwoo’s life. </p><p> </p><p>“You should’ve seen your face back in the club,” Mingyu continues. “The way you looked at hyung– your vociferous <em> gaze– </em> the dazed <em> guise–” </em> Mingyu stops himself and takes a deep breath because he realizes that people have started staring at him in his excited state. </p><p> </p><p>“You look at Jun hyung in such an intricately <em> profound </em> way that it feels like the whole world could <em> collapse </em> around you and you wouldn’t even be <em> affected </em> by it.” Wonwoo takes a few long minutes to absorb Mingyu’s words and make sense of it. Wonwoo wants to defend himself but one look at Mingyu’s expression that screams <em> you-know-I-am-right, </em> and Wonwoo decides against it. </p><p> </p><p>“So you know Junhwi through Seungkwan?” Wonwoo tries to divert the focus from his yearning.</p><p> </p><p>“Initially, yes, Seungkwan-ah introduced me to hyung,” Mingyu replies while taking a bite of his cheesecake. “Now Junhwi hyung and I are roommates.” </p><p> </p><p>“You both <em> live together?” </em> Wonwoo loses his voice by the end of the sentence. The shock is unreal. Junhui never mentioned that he lived with someone. In hindsight, Wonwoo talks a lot with Junhui and knows about all the trivial things like his current favourite game on the phone but doesn’t know much about the man’s personal life.</p><p> </p><p>“Your jealousy is unwarranted,” Mingyu comments simply. Wonwoo glares at him. </p><p> </p><p>“We moved together when Seungkwannie and I were still dating. Hyung needed a space to live in and as a foreigner, he was having trouble finding a decent place. I was trying to find a new place as well but the rents were too high and I couldn’t afford those places by myself. One thing led to another and through Seungkwan’s help, Junhwi hyung and I finally came to live together,” Mingyu explains.</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds reasonable,” Wonwoo replies. Mingyu chuckles to himself and Wonwoo finds his laughter <em> unsettling. </em></p><p> </p><p>“You know, Seungkwan urged Jun hyung to move out when he and I ended things. Hyung blatantly <em> rejected </em> his wishes and told him that he didn’t wish to be a part of our mess and besides he had signed a lease agreement on the apartment. Safe to say, Seungkwannie was not happy. He thought hyung was taking my side and I had somehow stolen his best friend,” Mingyu recalls. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo thinks Junhui’s reasoning of not moving out is reasonable. Yet a <em> darker </em> part of him sees the situation through Seungkwan’s eyes. He witnessed the two men dancing in the club for crying out loud. How can their relationship just be <em> platonic? </em> </p><p> </p><p>“Junhwi hyung’s perseverance is commendable. He didn’t give up on both of us even when we both spurred toxicity out of resentment. He stayed with me at nights and gave me support when things became too hard. He provided comfort to Seungkwan-ah and helped him move on from all the negativity. Eventually, Seungkwan came to our apartment and extended a hand of friendship because even if our personalities clashed, our rapport was undeniable. And all three of us have had a harmonious relationship ever since.” Mingyu finishes his story. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo knows about Junhui’s amazing personality. He spends most of his free time trying to pick little things about Junhui and organize them into pretty words just like a florist picks <em> flowers </em> and combines them into a <em> bouquet. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Are you trying to make a point?” Wonwoo asks. Mingyu finishes the last bite of his cheesecake and wipes his mouth with a tissue. </p><p> </p><p>“Jun hyung tends to take things personally, and he does not hesitate in showing that he’s hurt. So he tends to avoid situations that can lead to disputes because he is a <em> pacifist. </em> He also avoids his own problems because he thinks they aren’t that big of a deal even when it eats him up,” Mingyu says with a serious tone. Wonwoo feels his chest constrict at the thought that Junhui ignores his own problems even when it might be stressing him out. </p><p> </p><p>“So, I don’t want you to ever <em> harm </em> him in any way because he always <em> gives </em> so much to people. He deserves all the good things in this world.” The warning tone in Mingyu’s voice raises goosebumps over Wonwoo’s arms. Wonwoo finishes his own drink and looks out the window thoughtfully. </p><p> </p><p>“I cannot promise that I won’t ever hurt Jun. That is unrealistic. After all, human relationships are all about conflict. We only ever fight for something we care about. But I can promise that I won’t ever give up on him.” Wonwoo comprehends the words that come out of his lips. He is promising about something that seems to be a vision of his dreams. <em> A life with Junhui </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“But why are we having this conversation? I don’t even know if Junhwi feels the same way as I do. This is pointless,” Wonwoo speaks through his perturbation. Mingyu looks at him with calculating eyes until a smile blooms on his face and his eyes glint under the café lights. </p><p> </p><p>“You are right. You don’t know <em>how </em>Junhwi hyung feels.” Mingyu has an uncharacteristic smirk on his face and Wonwoo feels like he is mocking him.</p><p> </p><p>He wants to <em> wipe </em> that smirk off his face so badly. But then he thinks about Junhui and how disappointed he would be. So he controls his emotions and swallows his pride.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>~•~</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>
  <em> Wonwoo dreams. He dreams of a garden in the desert. The sweet flowers blooming under the harsh sun and swaying with the sirocco. Wonwoo walks through this garden and breathes in the tantalizing scent of the flowers that is incomparable to any sweet perfume available in the market. He feels calm surrounded by tranquillity. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> At the end of his trail, he sees a person materializing wrapped in white cloth which partially covers their body. The excess of the cloth flows with the wind along with the person’s hair.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The person is none other than Junhui. He stands with a serene smile and starts extending a hand towards Wonwoo. Out of courtesy, Wonwoo mimics to do the same. And suddenly, the tranquillity of the desert is vanquished. It is replaced by a thunderstorm and followed by a desert storm that makes it hard to see and breathe.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He finds it hard to stand still and holds on to a single pole that is embedded in the sand. He somehow manages to look at Junhui who is still standing, unperturbed by the calamity. He still has a smile on his face that should infuriate Wonwoo. But he can’t even bring himself to be mad at the other man.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Junhui tries to tell him something, but Wonwoo can’t hear because of the storm. He tries to understand what the other man is saying by reading his lips. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Let go.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And just like that, Wonwoo releases his grip instinctively and falls back. Laying on his back, he watches the storm bring havoc to the garden and destroy the pretty flowers. He has never felt so alive as he does while being surrounded by catastrophe.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Junhui walks up to him and holds out his hand again. Wonwoo fears that another disaster may occur if he tries to bridge the gap.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> In the end, Wonwoo is a fool in love. He is a prisoner to his decisions and reaches for Junhui’s hand. Their palms touch and a blanket of safety embraces him.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He thinks to himself how an earth-born man looks so majestic. He must’ve departed from his human life to witness such a beautiful creation.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Junhui raises his other hand and gently begins to caress Wonwoo’s cheek. He’s dumbfounded by this action and confusion is painted on his face. Junhui leans down and brings his face closer to Wonwoo. Closer and closer until his breath starts to fan Wonwoo’s face. Wonwoo is on high alert and wants to feel and savour everything and imprint this on the back of his eyelids. He does not want to miss a thing.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And then, he hears sirens blaring in his ears.  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He wakes up from his dream in vain. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>~•~</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>On one fine evening, Wonwoo finds himself sitting on the grassy riverbank of Hangang. He sees Seoul bathed in red, orange, pink and indigo. The city looks mesmerizing and all he wants is to lose himself in its chaos. The city lights shine so radiantly. His eyes lose a bit of focus and it almost looks like an abstract painting is reflected over flowy river water. </p><p> </p><p>It’s peaceful. However, Wonwoo’s thoughts are <em> far </em> from any kind of peace. He thinks about a lot of things. He thinks about his job and wonders whether he is moving forward and is closer to his dreams or stuck in the same place and burning away his skills. He thinks about his family and vows to make a trip to Changwon soon and be a dutiful son. He thinks about his friends and hopes that all of them don’t mind his frank speech and know that Wonwoo cares a lot and wants to give back a lot of love. He thinks about love. <em> Moon Junhwi.  </em></p><p> </p><p>He’s so lost in love that he does not notice the presence of another person until he feels warmth over his shoulders. Wonwoo turns around a bit to find Junhui’s hand resting over his shoulder. The heat from Junhui <em> kisses </em> him in the balmiest way.</p><p> </p><p>“Jun-ah?” It feels like a figment of his imagination. A shadow shaped in Wonwoo’s desire. </p><p> </p><p>“It really is you. I was walking by the river and saw you sitting here. I thought to make sure that it was really you and my eyes weren’t playing games with my mind,” Junhui points towards the walking trail while flopping down beside him. “Fancy seeing you here!”</p><p> </p><p>Junhui’s voice has that effect on Wonwoo that puts him in a trance. His voice somehow <em> matches </em> his eyes. It’s full of galaxies that light up the darkness. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s beautiful out here. It’s <em> very difficult </em> to refrain your eyes from this technicolour artwork,” Wonwoo comments while taking a glance at Junhui because it’s <em> impossible </em> to refrain his eyes from the other man. </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm. I agree,” Junhui says without meeting his glance, choosing to absorb the panoramic scene in front of them. </p><p> </p><p>They don’t speak for several minutes. A comfortable silence envelops them both. Wonwoo ruminates. He wants to tell Junhui about his feelings but it’s so hard. If only Junhui will tell him that he loves Wonwoo then it will be so easy for him to fall deeply in love. Just like the song that plays in his head that reminds him of Junhui, Wonwoo wonders if he should <em> go with the flow </em> or should he <em> take it slow. </em> </p><p> </p><p>“How have you been, Wonwoo-yah?” Junhui asks.</p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo folds his knees and loops his arms around them, hugging the kneecaps to his chest. “Busy,” he says the first word that comes to his mind, then mentally rebukes himself for his curtness. “How about you?” </p><p> </p><p>“Confused?” Junhui squints his eyes as if he is trying to process the word he uttered. “I mean, <em> I just– </em> I think I understand everything, but then, I know nothing.” </p><p> </p><p>“What are you talking about?” Wonwoo turns to look at him only to find Junhui looking at him already. Their eyes meet and Wonwoo feels like a deer caught in front of the headlights. He can’t break eye contact. </p><p> </p><p><em> “You. </em> I am talking about you.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? What do you mean?” Wonwoo’s heart beats so loudly that he can hear the thumping in his ears. Junhui breaks eye contact and laughs. The sound of his laughter <em> chimes </em> in with the wind. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s just– what do you want in your life, Wonwoo?” Junhui asks as he stands up and dusts the grass from his back. </p><p> </p><p><em> ‘You. I want you, Junnie.’ </em>Wonwoo wants to say.  </p><p> </p><p>“I want something that I can never have,” Wonwoo says instead as he raises his head to look up at Junhui. </p><p> </p><p>“How can you be so sure?” Junhui asks with an unimpressed look on his face. Wonwoo wants to steal the pout that has formed on his lips. </p><p> </p><p>“Whenever I expect a scenario to play according to my expectations, the end result always ends up being the <em> exact opposite </em> of those idealized expectations,” Wonwoo confesses while looking down at his shoes. He plucks a few grass-blades and starts tearing them apart. Junhui inhales a deep breath and turns around to look at the river again. </p><p> </p><p>“I believe you should have a more open outlook. Be less pessimistic. Maybe you might get the <em> answer </em> that you are looking for if you try to ask the right <em> question,” </em> Junhui says. </p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo throws the pieces of grass on the ground and looks at Junhui. He tries to scrutinize his body language, his expression and his words. Junhui has a coy smile on his face. It’s like he <em> knows </em> how Wonwoo feels and is telling him to <em> let go </em> of his anxiety and insecurities and take a giant leap of faith. </p><p> </p><p>Could it really be possible that this feeling actually flows both ways?</p><p> </p><p>“Do I wanna know?” Wonwoo settles with a vague question. If it’s meant to be, then Junhui will give him a <em> hopeful answer. </em> If it’s not, Junhui will respond with <em> another question </em> to clear his confusion. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui walks closer to him and extends his hand towards Wonwoo with a serene smile on his face. <em> Déjà vu. </em> Wonwoo reaches for his hand and watches their fingers interlock together marvellously. They <em> fit together </em> like two pieces of jigsaw puzzles. Junhui pulls him up and makes him stand on his two feet.</p><p> </p><p>An alluring <em> melody </em> starts playing on a loop inside his brain. Along with the song, it brings <em> visions </em> of every single decision in his life that led him to stand here, in front of Junhui. His yearning flows incessantly from his chest and flows down like a river and meanders down to Junhui’s feet. The city lights behind him shine brighter than diamonds but everything dulls down in comparison to the <em> inherent luminosity </em> that Junhui is able to emit.</p><p> </p><p>Junhui beams at Wonwoo. The latter sucks in a deep breath. “Now where will be the fun in that,” Junhui says. “If someone provides you with the writing on the wall, <em> Wonwoo</em><em>-sshi?”</em></p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you reached the end, then thank you for reading! the song that Wonwoo listened to on repeat is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM8WGqYX8yE">baby by vicky chen</a>.<br/>please let me know if you liked it by sparing kudos and comments ♥<br/><a href="https://twitter.com/redsyub">twitter</a> | <a href="https://curiouscat.me/redsyub">curiouscat</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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